What does obedience look like?

Wow! This feels so unreal! I remember dreaming of the World Race as a sophomore in high school and here it is actually happening! This post is going to be fairly long, but stick with me, I think it’s going to be worth it!

So how did we get here? Honestly, that’s a whirlwind! Back in January, I applied for a job as a camp counselor with a Christian day camp I’d worked at for a few summers. Much to my surprise, I was turned down for the position and my summer plans kind of blew up in my face. Now listen, rejection? Not for me—but honestly, who actually appreciates rejection, right? So not only was I blindsided, but I—being the mega-planner that I am—was left without a game plan for my entire summer. Around March, one of my small group leaders, who happens to be my sorority sister, mentioned she was leading a mission trip to Colombia in June with the World Race and there were still a few spots left to fill on the team. 

I had fallen in love with missions & mission work back when I was in high school and have a deep desire to serve those who are far off and outside of the body of Christ. I’d been on mission trips before, but nothing quite like this. I’d heard of the World Race and was genuinely interested in joining a route after I finished high school and even started my application last fall when I was applying to college. However, it seemed that every time the World Race was presented as an opportunity, the Lord was faithful to shut the door and open one to something better. But this time, he left it open and kept it open. I think I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and the door to slam shut, but it didn’t. That’s also why I’ve waited so long to make a post on my blog, I was anticipating disappointment that never arrived. So when the opportunity didn’t go away, I started my application and got in in right under the deadline!

When I finished my application, I had this insane sense of joy and excitement that I simply could not contain, but when my phone interview came around, I felt so uncertain if this was the right thing for me in this season. And then I got the call that I was in, and you’d expect me to be overjoyed right? The kid who had dreamed about 11in11 should’ve been psyched to just get a month long glimpse into the World Race, right? But I wasn’t. I was so hesitant to say yes.

It’s funny because looking back, I used to joke about how I had trust issues with people and that included with Jesus. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that one of the biggest themes in my life over the last 9 months has been trusting the Lord and his plans and provision for my life and if I’m being honest, I was so fearful that God wasn’t going to provide in every avenue of this trip and therefore hesitant to say yes!

I was hesitant because of the price tag and because it was outside of my comfort zone. Fearful to go somewhere unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and potentially unsafe. Unsure of what it would look like to do ministry with complete strangers and afraid to try something new. And on top of that, since I applied so close to the deadline, I had 3 days to make a decision on whether or not I was going to accept the spot on the team. 

Over the course of those 3 days, I spent more time in prayer than I think I ever have in my 4(ish) years of following Jesus. I could not tell you how many hours I spent filling journal pages with prayers or the countless hours I spent processing in community. I’d been reading through the book of Jeremiah and for those of you that are familiar with the prophet’s writings know that the first several chapters are filled with the words surrounding listening and obedience. My prayer became, “Lord, what does walking in obedience with you look like in this season of my life? How can I faithfully walk that out in a way that glorifies you and makes much of your name?” 

On the day I was supposed to have a decision, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop with one of my wisest friends when she stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Gracie, you can keep talking in circles and pro-con it out for days, but eventually, at some point you’re going to have to leap into yes or no and stick with it.” The next day, at the same coffee shop, one of my other wisest friends told me something along the same lines and it went like this: “Just start walking, even if you don’t know the direction.” and that’s when I realized that is what obedience looks like. I may not know in what direction I’m walking in or where I’m walking to, but God knows exactly where I’m going. He wasn’t asking me to know the whole plan, He was just asking me to move. He knew where I was going and it’s a good thing that I didn’t because that meant I had to trust Him and His plan because it was and is far better and far greater than my own. 

Needless to say, I started walking, and it led me to “yes”. And not just “yes.” or “yes!” but “YES!!!”. Uncertainty in one season doesn’t negate God’s “yes” in another. It is far more difficult to see God’s faithfulness in our lives when we are so far consumed with controlling our own stories instead of surrendering the things that we keep a white knuckle grip on at the foot of the Cross. One of the greatest things I’ve learned in this process is leaning into what the Lord has for me, the story he is writing for me, instead of the one I’m trying to forge for myself. Looking back on this past semester, I can see so many ways that the Lord has been so faithful to not only prepare my heart for this trip, but provide in ways I never saw coming (post about that coming later!!) but I mean, He tends to do that! 

Joyfully, Gracie