It is currently 7:16am and I am sitting in the aisle seat of an airplane on my way to Atlanta! I wish I could say this morning or even the last few days of preparation have gone super smooth and perfectly because in all honesty I wish they had, but I can’t tell you that. Truthfully, these last few days have been overwhelming. I was so certain that Colombia was where I was supposed to be this summer, but these last few days—and especially yesterday—I was sick to my stomach with doubt and uncertainty.
By mid-week, I was still short on fundraising and extremely under prepared. I should’ve been feeling intense stress, more so than I had up to this point not only because I wasn’t fully funded, unprepared, and just simply all over the place, but because I was stuck in traffic—and I mean if traffic doesn’t crush your soul and kill your joy, I don’t know what will. So in the midst of a moment that should’ve exacerbated my stress more than anything, I wasn’t overwhelmed by my long running to-do-lists, I was overwhelmed with peace. I was a bit puzzled at first, trying to figure out why I felt so calm and sure when I had been feeling so distressed just hours—just minutes—earlier. I was asking myself what’s different?, what’s changed?, what’s happened that I am just simply not remembering?—and how silly was I thinking it was something I or someone else did? Because peace, and specifically unprecedented peace, in the midst of chaos and disorder and disfunction and discouragement, could have only came from Christ. Trying to order our own lives, fix our own problems, I mean sure, that can provide some sense of security, but it only lasts so long until you have to do something else to sustain it. But the truth is, when you are relying on the Lord, peace is a gift you don’t have to work or strive for, and it’s a sweet one at that.
I was able to step back and remember that my doubt was not of Christ, but of the world, of my own sinful nature. We are taught time and time again in church that living the obedient life of a Christian is not going to be easy, but more than that, it is not going to demand the approval of everyone around you. Because of that, I have learned, people say things or we hear things we were never supposed to hear and Satan twists it and he twists it into a lie which them manifests as doubt. Now maybe not everyone agrees with this, but I think that there are two different ways to doubt: healthy and unhealthy. The first drives you to seek out answers to the questions and problems you are yearning to solve in order to fill in the gaps in your knowledge about God and His kingdom. The latter however, are those that originate from the words that Satan sputters in our ears that can become so easy for us to hear and believe to be true without ever questioning their validity or even origin. Unhealthy doubting tears you down, while healthy doubts can edify your relationship with the Lord and depend your love for Him as you start to know and understand more and more of His character.
What I’m trying to say is that I let the words of discouragement that I was hearing take root and grow as weeds among the wheat. Instead of leaning on the Lord, I was listening to the world. But it is when we are able to sit back and lean into His presence that we can become overwhelmed not by our busyness or stress or the craziness of our schedules or classes or whatever you have going on in your life, and instead allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by His goodness and peace that we cannot find in ourselves or on our own and through that peace—because of that peace—we are able to rest.
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
James 4:8 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…”
ANYWAY!! That was something big I learned this week and I hope that’s encouraging to you! But let me give you the low down on what’s happening right now! Like I said, I am currently in the air! Which is SO fun because I really enjoy flying! Unpopular opinion? I really enjoy airports. They’re so orderly and everyone working there knows exactly what they’re doing and it 100% satisfies the enneagram one in me to see such organization.
My parents and I left our apartment around 5am this morning to drive to the airport! The plan was to leave at 4:45am for my flight that took off at 7am to accommodate for traffic and security lines, etc. but I often run a little behind so 5 it was! It was quite the stressful morning because I am also a last minute packer which meant I was on a time crunch to play Tetris with my backpack to fit everything in and it felt like the most impossible game of Tetris I’ve ever played. But finally, with the help of my sweet mom, we finally got it all to fit and with the help of my dad, who drives quite fast, we made it to the airport on time (ish)!
I flew out of Dallas Love Field which is far smaller than DFW International Airport so it is much more difficult to get lost here than it is in the maze that is DFW airport! After I showed the TSA agent my boarding pass and ID, he pointed me to the many security lines as per usual. I jumped into the one that was closest to me and I contemplated switching to a shorter line when other agents were announcing that some were shorter than others, but oh boy am I glad I didn’t because not 2 minutes later, the man from TSA in charge of my line announces: “Welcome to the line where you don’t have to take anything out of your bags! Literally. Nothing at all. Just lose the shoes. Congratulations!” I felt like I had just won the lottery! I made it through security right around 6am and was finally able to take a deep breath! Even more so when I boarded the plane around 6:30 and I was not forced to check my ginormous—and might I say overstuffed—backpack at the gate. So there was a definite sigh of relief! I was kind of holding my breath while they scanned my boarding pass, waiting for them to tell me I had to check a bag!
I should land at the Atlanta airport around 10:30am-! All of the people on our team will be arriving in Atlanta today, before 1pm, and together we will travel from Atlanta to Gainesville where we will be at training camp for the next few days! After training camp is completed, we will drive back to Atlanta where we will fly to Colombia!
I don’t know what training camp is going to consist of or even look like—all I know is that we will not be sleeping in tents and for that I am quite grateful! I am so stoked to meet the 13 other young women serving on this amazing team the Lord has put together to serve His people in Medellín. I cannot begin to thank each and every one of you who have supported me and have brought me this far. Whether you have supported me monetarily, through prayer, or by mailing a sleeping bag across the country, I am so grateful for the ways in which y’all have loved me so selflessly and have made this entire trip possible! I will make a post soon about fundraising and how the Lord changed my heart in some big ways through His provision!
Joyfully, Gracie!
Ways you can be praying:
+ For patience and boldness!
+ Total reliance on God!
+ Quick community growth!
+ Flexibility, I am walking into a situation completely unfamiliar to me! While I am extremely excited, I tend to also be a bit stubborn! So, I would appreciate prayer for a go-with-the-flow mentality because that’s what a lot of ministry and missions consist of!
Great piece. You’ve got wisdom beyond your years.